on wishing...

Thursday, August 28, 2008 0 Comments


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shooting star

Thursday, August 28, 2008 0 Comments

...maybe if I wished hard enough

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43 Things: Book Lust

Sunday, August 24, 2008 0 Comments

You should see my bookshelf. It’s stuffed with books I haven’t read yet. Most of them are in a series. I love collecting them, I just can’t find the time to read them. I usually read on my bed but because sometimes I’m so tired, I get to read only a page and then go right to sleep. I want to buy more books but now I have to restrain myself. I promise that I’ll not buy a new book unless I’ve gone through the ones I already own, and boy I know that’s going to be a long time.

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43 Things: my own crib

Sunday, August 24, 2008 0 Comments

Being an interior designer, I would love to have the chance to be able to design a place that I call my own. As of now, I’m still living with my parents. It’s usually the practice here that the kids leave home when they marry. Well, I think I’m still not going to get married. Hahaha sadly I’m still single. But I do want to get my own place though. I don’t need a big place yet because it will be just me and my dog. I still have financial assessments to do but hopefully when I get enough budget, I’ll be able to rent my own place and be able to furnish it. This goal isn’t going to be easy because I’m still paying off my car. But who knows, a big project might come my way and I’ll be able to afford paying the rent. That would be really nice.

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43 Things: Frugal Living

Sunday, August 24, 2008 0 Comments

I’ve really got to control my impulse buying and save my money for more important things. My impulse buying usually consists of sketch pads (because I love to draw), art materials, notebooks (can’t seem to resist designer notebooks) and random cute stuff (boohoo too tempting). Before, I had trouble making ends meet because aside from my impulse spending, I have to pay my car monthly dues. I’m usually left with little or nothing else to save. Luckily though, I’ve been granted a very significant raise. Well from my initial calculations, with my car monthly and gas expenses accounted for, if I minimize unnecessary shopping trips, I’ll be able to save enough per month and have enough money to buy a new phone and laptop by october. Yay that’s only a month from now. I have already marked it on my planner and I’m pretty excited. As of now, I’m still on the right track.

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43 Things: la vita e bella

Sunday, August 24, 2008 0 Comments

Your time is limited, don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living the result of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinion drowned your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition, they somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
-Steve Jobs

Lately my life has been in the dumps. I feel like I’m losing control. Mainly because I have been faced with bad decisions and things haven’t really been going the way I’ve planned. But that’s life right? I have to be prepared for whatever it wants to throw at me. When I stumble, I need to get back up again. Whatever doesn’t kill me makes me stronger. Well I want to be able to live my life not because of resentment or just because I want to prove something to myself and to everyone else. I want to live my life because it’s worth living. Whatever I do, I affect everyone else I come in contact with and I want that to be good. I want be able to express passion in my life and in everything that I do so that I may continually inspire people around me. First thing I’ll do is retain some optimism.

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43 Things: Sign me up

Sunday, August 24, 2008 0 Comments

I’ve already inquired about guitar lessons last week. I have yet to ask around for yoga classes. I’m trying to choose between the two or if my schedule permits I’ll be able to enroll in both. I’ve been wanting to learn how to play the guitar for a long time now. The classic guitar here at home is just gathering dust behind the door. I’ve been told it’s a good guitar. So I figured why let it go to waste.
Me wanting to enroll in yoga is backed up by the desire to feel at peace with myself and to be able to do something for my body of course. I have tried yoga before but I want to advance to another type, one that would increase my body’s flexibility more.
Well, I hope I’ll be able to squeeze in these classes during the weekends or after work. I really have a tight work schedule after all but it would be great to be doing something extra as well.

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here comes the morning

Sunday, August 24, 2008 0 Comments

It's usually hardest in the morning. I find myself dragging my butt off the bed. When I do get up, all I want is to cry. I hate this.

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Alone once again

Saturday, August 23, 2008 0 Comments

Last night, I went out to dinner. A dinner I've looked forward to all week, but we didn't go to dinner. I woke up in the morning feeling nervous. My instinct was telling me something again and I looked the other way. True enough, the thing I have been dreading the most has happened yet again. We said our goodbyes. It's never easy. Last night was the worst. I felt so empty and devoid of any other emotion than feeling hurt. I wanted to die. It felt like a part of me was dying anyway. I went to bed and it was going over and over my head. I couldn't sleep. I wish things could be different. Maybe if I wished hard enough…
I wish the pain would go away but I know it won't, not for a while. I have to find no nonsense things to keep me busy again. I'm feeling so lost. My friends are telling me that it will be alright and it just takes time. Yes I know that but  they are not in my shoes and they're not feeling what I'm feeling. I wish I can just close my eyes and I can fast forward to that time I'm going to be better. For now I just want to wallow in my pain and just cry.

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It's never easy...

Saturday, August 23, 2008 0 Comments

 

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Uncertain

Thursday, August 21, 2008 0 Comments

While driving to work this morning, I was pretty much left dwelling with my thoughts. I think my muscle memory was working because I really wasn't paying much attention to my driving (which I know is very bad!). I was feeling so down I wanted to cry. It's getting very lonely again. I have to find new ways to amuse myself. I was pondering on one question. "Am I not worth loving?" Well of course, I know the answer. YES! I'm very much worth loving. I just gotta have faith that there is someone out there for me but truthfully though, it's the waiting that kills me.

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August 21 My Horoscope

Thursday, August 21, 2008 0 Comments

This is an excellent day for getting a lot done and having fun while you are doing it! Whether you have planned a day of household cleaning and organizing, researching a new project, or running errands, you can rest assured that your 'to do' list will be all but completed by the end of the day. Everything will fall into place -- parking spots will open up, lights will turn green, and lines will be short! Time is on your side, right now, so make the most of it.
-From Yahoo Horoscopes
What a convenient horoscope. Today will really be a hectic day for me. I have two meetings in the afternoon. I think I'm pretty much prepared. When I'm done with those, I can relax for tomorrow. Then I can look forward to the long weekend. We'll see with my follow-up post by the end of the day if my horoscope really came true. Cross your fingers!

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Wanting and Falling

Thursday, August 21, 2008 0 Comments


"We all want to fall in-love. Why? Because it makes us feel completely alive, where every sense is heightened, every emotion magnified. Our everyday reality is shattered and we are flying into the heavens. It may only last a moment, an hour, an afternoon, but that doesn't diminish it's value because we are left with memories that we treasure for the rest of our lives."
I got this quote from the movie, "The Mirror has Two Faces" starring Barbara Streisand. She was saying these to her students during a class. Now I don't know what class she was teaching, it must've been mentioned during the movie but I guess I wasn't paying attention. These words however got me listening because there was a ring of truth in it. I got that familiar ache in my heart when I heard it. I love being in-love and I feel so empty when I'm not. I love the feeling of surrendering completely to that emotion and getting loved back. Well honestly, even though I get hurt over and over again, I still welcome the feeling. She said it right, it makes me completely alive. Without it, I feel like I'm just going through the motions everyday, going through life but not really living it. When I'm in-love, work is considerably lighter, I can conceptualize better, the weather seems always perfect - sunny or gloomy, everything is just way more colorful! What I wouldn't give to fall in-love again.
 

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Aug 18 My Horoscope

Monday, August 18, 2008 0 Comments

Childlike behavior is only cute when it's taking place among children -- so if you see grownups acting like they're ten today, do yourself a favor and steer clear of them! And if you can't steer clear of them, at least do not join in on their silly games. You've got grownup business to attend to, and sitting around gossiping or cutting people down behind their back is not going to help you. People may think you're being a party pooper by not joining in, but do you really care?
 Well, this is my horoscope from Yahoo Astrology today. Fortunately I didn't encounter any grownups acting very immaturely today. But if I did, they'd certainly hear from me.

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43 Things: spic and span

Monday, August 18, 2008 0 Comments

I can’t do much when there is a lot of clutter around me. I am not a slob, I usually like to keep things neat but sometimes when things get really busy and hectic, I don’t have enough time to keep everything in it’s proper place.
First thing on my list will be my work desk at home, right now all my magazines are dumped on top of it, there’s a no-nonsense pile of file folders and books on one corner.
Second will be my wardrobe closet. It’s stuffed with clothes and some of those I haven’t worn in months. I think I have to find time to sort through them and just keep the stuff that I still use and donate the others to a charity.
Third will be the clutter in my mind. I have so many hangups from disappointments in the past. I can’t go on living a new life when I’m still looking back. I have to identify these “mind clutter” and get rid of them permanently!

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43 Things: bring out the stress balls

Monday, August 18, 2008 0 Comments

I am constantly under stress but I try not to show other people especially my workmates, how stressed I really am. I don’t panic or I don’t have uncontrollable outbursts either. But I do get burned out. When I’m burned out, I tend to go into a depressed state and I have trouble getting enough sleep at night. Stress really is very bad for the health. That’s why I’m putting it in my life list. Now I plan to do this by reading up on project management skills so that I’ll be able to delegate project priorities efficiently. I also have to improve my time management skill. I have to have a set goal of things to do for the day at the office so that I’ll know that I am accomplishing things and not stress about things I still need to do for the next day when I get home. Hopefully, with these in mind, I’ll be able to live stress free.

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43 Things: me, myself and I

Sunday, August 17, 2008 0 Comments

“When it comes to love, you need not fall but rather surrender, surrender to the idea that you must love yourself before you can love another. You must absolutely trust yourself before you can absolutely trust another and most importantly you must accept your flaws before you can accept the flaws of another.”
-Philosophy of Falling In-Love
After all these years and after all those relationships, maybe this was where I was failing. When I read this quote, these words struck home. Maybe I really loved myself less. Well now it’s high time that I gave some lovin’ for me. :-)

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43 Things: I love my job

Wednesday, August 13, 2008 0 Comments

This is the first item on my life list on 43 things. Don’t get me wrong, I really do love my job. I am an interior designer and my job entails really good coordination and planning skills plus the innate ability to conceptualize good and functional designs. My job can be very demanding sometimes and we are required to work beyond normal hours. It can also be very stressful and I’m more prone to burnouts. Satisfaction from my job takes a lot of weeks or months before it can be attained. I jotted this on my life list so that I can find satisfaction in the little things that I do with my job, by doing this I can feel fulfilled. Hopefully when I stay happy and satisfied, I’ll be more at ease and I’ll be more passionate with each project assigned to me. Less stress and less burnouts.

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43 things life list

Wednesday, August 13, 2008 0 Comments

I have created my life list on 43 things. Each item on my list will have separate blog entries explaining why and how I plan to accomplish them. Now why have I chosen to make a life list? Why now? Well lately I feel that my life is spiralling out of control and I can't seem to get my bearings back. I've been recently unfortunate enough to come across bad decisions and very unlucky in love. This early part of the year has been very tough for me. 

This is a nice site. Other people can cheer items on your life list or you can do likewise to them. There is only a limited amount of cheers per day but giving cheers almost always guarantees a cheer back. You can also see how many people are doing the same things that are on your list. 

 As of now, I have 18 items on my list. 18 blogs posts ahead. This is just one step at getting my life back, and it already feels good. Cheers!


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