That's what my laptop clock reads right now and I'm still up. I can't sleep. No surprise there. I've not been getting any decent sleep for close to a month now. My body clock is all messed up and my diminishing weight is a proof of it. I keep telling myself that tomorrow is a brand new day. Yeah I'm on the first few hours of that new day and honestly it doesn't feel brand new to me.
I'm sorry for the pessimism early at this hour. It's just that life has really been unfair to me. Why is it that when I begin to be happy again, it's taken away from me. It's there for one fleeting moment and then poof! In an instant it's gone. Gone too soon. Sometimes I just begin to question if I deserve to be happy at all. Sure I can get by with superficial happiness but at the end of the day when I lie back down to sleep, I know and feel that I'm not really happy.
Since Monday I've started on this new project on working on a better me with the prodding and help of my dear friend Tom. Now I've hit my first roadblock. *Sigh* I made a promise though, and I intend to keep it. The road ahead is going be tough like it has always been. I just wish for once, the happiness that I long for will linger long enough for me to enjoy it.
2 comments:
Of course you deserve happiness! *hugs* Robert Frost said that "happiness makes up in height what it lacks in length" so enjoy the high when it's there and just try to take it easy until the next one comes.
Yes @CandyQ, I was at the lowest of the low when I was writing this post. I'm trying to work on it now. Thank you for the hugs. :-)
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